Cleaning is Good

So on my normal day off, instead of getting some things done for a retreat we're having this weekend, I decided to take care of some long-overdue cleaning.  See, I have this habit of embracing the current moment (some call it procrastinating).  After telling myself that I needed to dust the bedroom for (yikes!) 3 weeks (because up until that point the dust wasn't visible unless there was direct sunlight), yesterday was the day.  And as I was dusting, I noticed all the grungies and random strings on the floor.  And as I was going downstairs for the sweeper (you non-western PA types call them vacuums), I noticed that the stairs hadn't been swept in a good while either.  Then, the general clutter of the living room started to bother me and I found a pile of pictures that needed a permanent home and after I ran downstairs to switch out the laundry, well, there went my day. 

What bothered me about all this was the weird places I found dirt.  I never really thought about how the tops of floorboards gets dusty.  Or that the door that we rarely if ever use would have leaves just inside it.  And whodathunk that the glass boots that my husband has collected would need to be cleaned on the inside.  None of these were really surprising things, but it bothered me that so much crud could accumulate so quickly.

I've been finding that this quickly-accumulating-crud principle is true for my heart as well.  Just as I need to admit that my bedroom is in need of dusting, I also need to regularly confess my own crud.  And I'm just as amazed at how quickly it builds up, even though it's not really a surprising thing that I am not naturally oriented towards God and His kingdom purposes.

Many of you know that I joined a mentoring program at our church this fall.  I was really scared the day before it started, to the point of tears.  As I talked with my husband about it, he helped me realize that what I was really scared of was someone finding out my imperfections.  Which, as I write this sounds just stupid.  We all have imperfections, and my family will tell you that I am in no short supply of them.  But the deep ones, the ones that I'm ashamed are a part of me, that's what I was afraid of coming to light.  Then I met Kathy, my mentor.  She is so fun, understanding, honest and perceptive.  She's come to see some of those things in my life that I was so afraid to admit were there; and now, together with God, we're cleaning.  It's going to take a lot longer than one busy afternoon to scrub at some of these sins, bad habits and mistaken ways of thinking, but it's worth it.  And I'm not scared as much anymore that someone might "find me out".  Because through a lot of prayer, God's truth and His relentless grace, I'm growing in my understanding of Him and His work in my life.