Where I've Been

I haven't blogged in about a month.  I have not died, been pursuing the cure for popcorn cravings or figured out my life.  Instead, I've been...

• Diving into middle school ministry.  The start of the school year has been full of training volunteers, writing small group curriculum, teaching, programming, going out for Sonic limeades and planning for whatever is coming next.

• Working on our living room.  OK, I'll be honest - this one has been mainly Hubs' project.  But the plaster has been torn down, insulation installed, new windows installed, drywall up and painted, new paneling over the fireplace and the TV has been hung.  I'm jumping in at the end to help tile the fireplace in pennies. Yup.  For real.  It's happening, and I'm REALLY excited about it.

• Trying to get pregnant.  Not going to elaborate on this one, for all of our sakes.

• Going to small group.  We have an amazing group of friends that we meet up with every other Saturday for food, stories, Bible study and prayer.  It's a fantastic combo.  

 It's been great, this living life thing.  Count me in as an official fan.

~JB

Of Cooks and Kitchens

When I would come home from school and complain about group projects, my mom would inevitably say something along the lines of "Sometimes there are just too many cooks in the kitchen."  It didn't help my group-project woes at all, but she meant well.

I'm going through a little of that now.  See, our church is extremely blessed with a hardworking admin team, a communications person and a youth team that can, most days, schedule events far enough in advance to keep the admin team and communications person happy.  And our Family Ministry admin girl is freaking awesome.  She gets ministry AND can kick Excel in the teeth.

But we didn't used to have an admin girl or a church communications person.  So most of the burden of communicating, advertising and keeping everyone up to date on student stuff fell on us.  (Specifically the women on the team, but that really is more about gifting than gender stereotypes...most days)  As the student ministry staff has changed over the years, I've gradually taken over most of the admin tasks - small group rosters, mailings, parent newsletter, thank-you notes, website info, etc.  And now our Excel-kicking admin girl is more than capable and willing to help/take off my plate entirely a lot of those tasks.

**Sidenote: those of you who would give your big toe for a great admin girl are free to shake your fist at me.

So why am I frustrated about cooks being in the kitchen?

I'm frustrated because I now need to explain my entire m.o. to 5 different people.  And maybe it's because it's embarrassing that they can do those tasks better in half the time.  Perhaps, it's partly because sometimes there are details that get missed and I have to make amends.  Or maybe I just like being in control of everything.  And I definitely hate that it means adding another meeting to my week.

So, in a word, it's selfish.  And that's hard to admit.

So one of my goals for this month is to work better with our admin team and slowly kill the desire I have to kick them in the teeth when the work isn't done the way I think it should be done.  Doesn't sound very lofty or inspiring does it?  Sorry, folks.  This is the mess of working with people, of your co-workers being co-laborers for Christ.  People who have been saved, even when they are employed by a church, are just people.  Messy, frustrating, beautiful people.  And I'm one of them.

JB

You'll Understand When You're Older

I have long hated the phrase "you'll understand when you're older".  I've also hated it's brother "oh, you're too young to understand" and it's good-for-nothing boyfriend "when you get to be my age, you'll see".  It's probably my repressed frustration with authority.  Or working with teenagers.  Or the fact that I secretly believe that I know everything.  Either way, I hate it.

And today, I must admit that it might just be true.

Let me explain.  I am historically a person who has never understood why folks at home worry about folks on the road.  I would come home late and wonder why my mom was upset.  My theory was that if the hospital or police were involved, she would get a call and what else was there to worry about?  One summer, I traveled around the country leading mission trips and only called home twice.  Mom has yet to let me live that one down.  It's not that I don't care, truly.  It's just that I understand that when you are on an adventure, calling home to talk down a worrying family member isn't my idea of fun.

Then I entered full-time ministry and I learned that parents are always happier when you force their kids to call home.  I did not do this because I became a believer in the 'call your mother and let her know you're ok' theory.  Oh, no!  It was purely a selfish motive to help parents like and trust me more.  (Sidenote: it's really hard doing youth ministry when you get mistaken for a teenager, cut me some slack?)

And then, a week ago, I dropped my favorite husband in the world off at the airport for a two and a half week trip to Haiti.  As his parents called me for updates, I told them that no news was good news - calls from Haiti were really only if he got really sick/kidnapped/arrested.  The internet access where they are at is spotty, too.  I said all this, to lots of people, and then it happened.

The phone rang at the office.  I overheard the receptionist mentioned that it was one of the women in charge of the Haiti team.  So, I did the only rational thing and ran to her desk and hover awkwardly behind her as she completed her call, then asked her to tell Hubs I love him and inquired as to just how sunburned my ginger husband had gotten.  In that moment, I became my mother.  (gasp)  I was scrambling for details, wondering how he was, aching to talk to him and realizing just how much my mother must have wanted to slap me when I gave her that line about the hospital calling her if they needed her.

Hubs did call me tonight, briefly.  He wanted to know if I was ok, tell me about how much he is loving his experience there and make sure I was harvesting the peas from the garden.  It was only a couple of minutes, but hearing his voice was so good.  I miss him so much, but I believe in the work that he is doing and I believe God will use this to make my husband's heart more like Jesus.

So the next time I make a student call home on a trip, it won't be to make their mom like me more.

JB

Birthday

Last week, I turned 28.

It's not supposed to be an exciting birthday.  You don't get to test for your driver's license or register to vote.  It's not as exciting as 10 was (I'm finally in the double digits!) or 13 (finally a teenager!) or even 21 (card me all you want, Mr. Waiter Man, I'm legal!).  The only exciting (?) thing about being 28 is that I've been an 'adult' and out of high school 10 years.

But I really enjoyed it.  Yes, there was that awkward moment when one of my 7th graders realized I was much older than every member of One Direction, but I'm seriously ok with that.  And then there was the realization that I'm almost 30...yowza.  I think I'm ok with that.  Ask me again next year.

I think I liked turning 28 because there was nothing super special about turning 28 if that makes any sense.  I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and my birthday was a bit of a flag on this mountain (not that I'm mountainous.  unless Hubs made steak and potatoes for dinner.  even then, at best I'm perhaps foothill-ous?).  This has not been an easy year.  I had some rough days at church, we bought a house, let Mike move in with us and we suffered through a miscarriage.  I thought back over all of that and more, and realized that God has brought me through those and used them to make me into a better woman than I was.  I am more dependent on Him, I know His heart for this world better than I did last year and I am better able to enjoy the coolest husband ever.

So I thank God for this year, and eagerly await what He brings next.

~JB

Unplugged

This past weekend, Hubs and I hit the road.  We got out of Dodge.  We ran away screaming from life with two other couples from our small group to Uncle Kevin's cabin.  Which is down by the river.  Sans van.

And it was glorious.

You may think less of me, but I'm going to be perfectly honest about this weekend.  I slept.  I ate.  I laid around and read 2 books (don't be too impressed, they were fiction).  We played games, kayaked and well, did nothing for a good bit of the time.

You're judging me, aren't you?  You think I should have been productive or at the very least, active on our weekend off? 

Judge your little heart out, sister.  It's not going to change the fact that I enjoy being very, very lazy and am going to soak up every opportunity that I can to do so.

It was freeing.  Relaxed doesn't even begin to describe the experience.  It was as if the river itself was slowly washing over my soul, carrying my cares and anxiety away.  You know that song, "I've got peace like a river in my soul"?  It's true, sister.  And this river was slowly meandering, taking it's good old time and reminding me to do the same.

Don't we all need that sometimes?

- JB

Leaving in a Subaru

...because jet planes are expensive, and our destination isn't that far from home this time.

That's right!  Myself, Hubs and two other couples are headed out to Kevmo's Kamp for some unplugged relaxation this weekend.  You know how everyone has that one crazy uncle?  Well, Uncle Kevin is away in Costa Rica with his family and graciously offered his cabin on the river for our use this weekend.  We'll be reading, fishing, kayaking, making campfires and eating yummy food.  No TV, no internet, and limited phone service.

:)

JB

I'm 17. No, wait, I'm 43.

Sometimes, I wonder how I got this old.  I'm closer to 30 than 20.  It takes effort to stay awake past 10:30.  I'm getting wrinkles.  I have gray hair.  Not a lot, but enough that I've stopped plucking it out of my head.  A girl at an after-school program I volunteer for asked me, "Miss Jenna, why don't you act like a kid anymore?" because I wouldn't slide down an angled concrete slab. 

Sometimes, I wonder why I can't grow up as fast as other folks around me.  I still fidget incessantly.  I would rather eat cereal/mac&cheese/popcorn for dinner than 'real food'.  I never remember to send birthday cards.  And I still break out.  Real zits, people.  Like you had when you were 17.  Only now it's weird that I still need to use as much coverup as I do. 

I think it seriously unfair that I currently have gray hair and zits.  Really?  Both?  Must my head exhibit my split-age personality so clearly?  

If I'm going to get gray hair can I not have some wisdom as well?  And if my face looks like I'm 17, can't the rest of my body follow suit?

(me & my friend Linsey, circa 10th grade)

(you're welcome) 

(my mom & I...aka: what I'll look like in 25 years)

 Oh the joys of life.

JB

For now...

Soon, I will tell you all about my weekend retreat with 46 middle school students, my 2nd anniversary, my weekend work retreat with 12 high school student, Hubs' unexpected anniversary present, how I'm dealing with life 6 weeks after the miscarriage  and some fun things going on around our house.

But for now, I am content to do this:

And maybe make this for dinner.

JB

Silly Me

My mother in law's big birthday party is in 2 weeks, and I have volunteered to coordinate the food.  It's a big party.  A classy party.  Her 60th.  Delicious hearty appetizers are on the menu.

Have I mentioned I gave up Pinterest for Lent?

Awesome.

Ideas? 

Plethora

I could also call this post "Things you didn't know that are rattling around in my brain".  I sincerely hope that what passes for my runaway trains of thought amuses you.  :)

• Upon my new resolution to drink more water, I decided that the constant "I kind of need to pee right now" feeling should be a punishment for not drinking enough water and that those of us who are attempting to take good care of our bodies should be rewarded with less frequent trips.

• I'm currently writing a weekly guide for students to read through the New Testament (my co-worker is tackling the OT) and it's way harder than you think to condense Acts into a couple weeks of readings.  I am decidedly overwhelmed with this task because who the heck am I to say what the most important highlights of Jesus' ministry were?  I keep reminding myself that this is *hopefully* not the only time these students will read the Bible.

• During our 6th grade small group, we normally share happies and crappies.  One of my girls said that her happy was that her mom bought her new socks.  How delightfully simple is her life!  I love it!  We also had a burping contest.  My co-leader won.

• I'm rereading Little Women by Louisa May Alcott and it makes me wish that women still wore beautiful dresses all the time and read books for fun.

• We redecorated our office - tore everything off the walls, painted it buttery-yellow and moved the desks.  Not only did we get rid of a lot of crap that tends to accumulate in the Student Min office (which is subject matter for another rant entirely), but it feels warm, spacious and welcoming.  We love it.

• I am entirely and completely pooped from this week and will be spending my Friday night happily at home with a good book, my favorite husband in the world and some fishsticks.

• Per this post, I gave up Pinterest for the rest of Lent.  It has reminded me of two things: 1) I am not in control, God is.  2) I am on Pinterest WAY more often than I thought I was!  Thanks for helping me with that, by the way! 

• Speaking of Lent, why does fish not count as meat?  I am befuddled.

So that's where I'm at this week.  Dang, my life is weird.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sharing Our Home

I love our new home.  To be honest, I'm surprised that it feels like 'home' instead of 'a house' so quickly.  We've settled into our rhythm, with the one minor exception that we still can't figure out a great 'who is going to get the mail when' system.

One of the things I've loved most about these past few weeks are those times when we've been able to have friends and family over.  We had a housewarming party, and I laughed myself silly watching my nieces and nephews run around the circle of the first floor.  Hubs had a bunch of guys from church over for Zombie Movie Monday to help eat the leftovers from said housewarming party.  Sidenote:  I hate zombie movies, but it's something that brings the guys together every other week and they love it, so we women normally hide at someone else's house to watch the Sing Off and stuff our faces with chocolate.

And now, we're moving into a new season of sharing our home.  There's a guy at our church who needs a place to stay for a few weeks, and he'll be here on Friday.  To be honest, I'm a little worried, mainly because I've never lived with any boy except my dad, brother and Hubs.  But the thing is that I really believe that God does not just call us to be hospitable when it's convenient or easy for us.  Mike needs a place to live.  We have an extra bedroom.  It's not easy, but that's what the church is in day to day life.  Inconvenient.  Messy.  And full of unexpected blessings.

We're baaack!!

The dust is not quite settled in our new home.  As of today, we've been homeowners for a whopping 3 weeks, and lived here for 2 of them.  Most rooms are mostly put together, with a couple random findings in each.  Like the boxes of records in the living room, the washer and dryer in the dining room, the medicine cabinet in the kitchen and the 2 1/2 weeks of dirty clothes piled in the bedroom. 

I didn't think it would, but it feels like home already.  A dirty, cluttered home, but a home nonetheless.  I think it was the baking.  Day 4 of living here, I made some banana bread, and it was delicious.  Delicious baked goods make me feel at home.  Blame my mom.  :)

It's taken some hard work, and a few really helpful friends to get this place looking like our home.  See, we bought the house from a guy named Ed, and Ed did pretty good work, but had the decorating style of your average 75 year old woman.  So he did awful things, like paint a perfectly good kitchen pink and put up faux brick wallpaper.  We're pretty sure to get the perfect shade for the upstairs bathroom, he took a cantaloupe into Lowe's and asked them to color match it.  I have fairly decent pictures of all of this, but they are on my camera, and my camera battery is dead and I haven't found the box that we packed the extras in yet.  Alas. 

We do have some incentive to continue the settling in process - we're having a housewarming party next Saturday!  My sister-in-law graciously offered to plan while I just give tours to family all afternoon.  So that means a bit of work this week, then a bit of cleaning.  But we're excited to show off our baby!

Beauty-filled

The world is a beauty-filled place.

And lest you bring up all of the crap that happens everyday, let me tell you that I know it.  I know this is a world where a 17 year old girl loses her mom suddenly.  I know this is a world where middle school girls will make themselves sick to lose a few pounds.  I know this is a world where 9 year olds watch porn on a regular basis.  Trust me, I know.  I'm a youth leader and I get to hear stories of a broken world every day.

But I also know that there was a group of students praying at that funeral.  I know that there are women who have beaten eating disorders and have dedicated their life to being there for others who are struggling with it.  I know there are parents who moniter their children's internet usage and will have difficult conversations with their kids.

I know this is a world where a beautiful, chubby, healthy baby boy was born to one of the most amazing couples I know after one of the hardest years of their lives. 

I know that this is a world where a God who paid the price for our choice and is in the process of redeeming this broken world.  And I know that God is not finished with this world, He will not throw it away because parts are broken.  He is a mender, a healer, and He gives us new hearts when ours are so broken that we bring them to Him.  He is the reason this world is filled with beauty.

Brain Dump

Here are the things that have been rattling around in my brain as of late:

I should eat more healthy food.  Popcorn for dinner shouldn't be a regular thing.

Packing sucks.  I hate cardboard boxes and I hate the amount of stuff we have accumulated.

I am SO excited to get started on making our new house a home.  May or may not have started planning our first meal there.

Leading a 6th grade small group hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.

Rainy days aren't all that bad, and I've been loving this cool weather.

We need to sublet our apartment, and it's stressing me out.  Craigslist creeper may be inhabiting a space I am responsible for. 

Twitter is both more and less than I thought it would be. 

I am grateful for the friends that God has put in my life, and that their boyfriends/husbands get along so well with Hubs.  God is so good.

I will never allow my children to scream relentlessly in a close neighborhood, unless they are bleeding profusely.

I met a woman in Wal-Mart today who just moved to the area and was obviously desperate for some adult conversation and I didn't invite her to church.  I should have.

I have free Christmas decorations that smell like someone else's garage storage in the back of my car, thus making my car smell like a thrift shop.  But it's been raining for a week straight, and my air freshener is dead.

I have friends that are in Haiti for the first time today.  I pray that they would look on that beautiful and broken country with God's eyes, and that they would get to see Him at work there.

I am going to keep our bedroom as un-packed-up as possible until moving day, because I need a few square feet of normalcy.


Thanks for letting me get that all out.  It was getting a little crowded in there.

No, really, I'm ok

So we didn't get the house.  Yeah.  Bummer.  I may or may not have had a dream that night where I drove by the house and yelled at the people that were working on it that they weren't taking good enough care of the house.  In that dream, the new owners also looked like Amish boys grown up to be hippies who were painting the doors bright magenta and teal, but that's another story.

I am still sad that we didn't get the house.  I was looking through another blog, saw something really cute, planned out where in the house that idea would look great, and had to remind myself that it wasn't going to be our house anymore.

But honestly, I'm ok.  Yes, I'm sad, but that's what happens when your dreams get a little wrinkled.  It's not the end of the world.  We still have an apartment to live in and enough money to put food on the table.  We can still look for another house to dream about.

Just like anything else in life that I want but don't need, I will be just fine until the day comes that God gives us a house that we can call home.  Also, I'm secretly really thankful that I don't have to pack and move just as we're starting a really busy season at the church.  So I guess I've taken the next step in learning this lesson: I do not always know what is best in my life, but God does, so shut up and trust Him.  :)

Gambling

Well, not "going to the racetrack with Gramma" gambling.  But we're gambling just the same.

We put in an offer on a house last week, only to have it rejected.  So we submitted a second offer, only to be told that there are now two other people who want the house, and we were to submit our best offer and the bank will decide from there.

So we thought and prayed and I freaked out (a lot) and submitted our best offer.  And let's be honest, I'm still sitting here freaking out.  I don't know if our offer is good enough.  I don't know if we'll get the house.  I don't know where we'll be living in a couple of months.  I'm torn between trusting that God has a plan and relentlessly asking myself if this might be it.  I know that worrying and re-thinking everything will do no good and will only result in lost sleep.

So I will pray, and I'll probably worry, and I will absolutely spend too much time on dumb stuff tonight, like googling dog breeds and looking up stuff on Pinterest.

Lord, help me.

Why yes, I do still exist

Since I've last posted, I've gone on a much-needed vacation with Hubs & his family, taken 20 students to a week-long retreat (also much-needed), gone white-water rafting, worked like crazy with our summer interns, turned 27, become addicted to Pinterest, watched So You Think You Can Dance with friends, worked like crazy some more, welcomed my little brother home from 4 months of National Guard training, read the first 4 Harry Potter books, celebrated Hubs' grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary, welcomed a new staff member to our team, went camping and survived training week for our 130ish summer camp staff.

And that, my friends, is why I haven't blogged in a while. 

Sometimes I wish I had a better memory, or at least the good habit of taking pictures, so I would be able to recall all this craziness in a few years.  But since my memory has never been anything more than mediocre, and even when I remember to bring the camera, we always forget to take actual pictures, I guess I'll just have to make do.  Oh well, maybe when we have kids we'll document our life better.  Until then, I'll settle for attempting to live it well.  Which, busy as I have been, I've been enjoying.  It's nice to have Hubs home earlier in the day (depending on what he's working on) and enjoy the summer weather and hang out with friends.  I guess I'd rather have a well-lived life than a well-documented one.  Especially because then, I'd be tempted to scrapbook.  And while the temptation would be real, I really do not enjoy projects that never end or cost a boatload of money.

In other news, we've started moving past the "someday we won't be renters anymore" phase and into the "let's call our realtor lady friend and ask her millions of questions" phase.  [Insert me panicking about money and refusing to eat anything but pb & j for lunch here.]  So while we have yet to actually drive to a house and poke around inside, it's an exciting thing to dream about.

So even though living life well today involved going to a funeral to support someone from church and going shorts shopping at a thrift store, followed by "resting" on the couch, I'm glad I'm doing it.

SO ready

This is Hubs & I at the beach two years ago:

See how happy we are?  The carefree smiles?  The lack of worry lines or cell phones or worrying about our students?

That'll be us in one short week.  Woo-freaking-hoo!

I've been slowly suffocating under piles of work, prep for summer, laundry, running around and to-do lists.  Next Friday, I get to unearth myself from all of that and leave it behind without a care in the world.

Some of you may doubt my ability to actually not work for a week straight.  But I will say that if there's one thing I do better than being a workaholic, it's being lazy.  Trust me, that oxymoron works in my world.  :)

iPhone

That's right, I saved my pennies and am the proud new owner of the only, the glorious, the oh-so-pretty iPhone 4.

I was hesitant to upgrade from my trusty enV 3.  I wasn't sure that I wanted to be THAT connected to the world.  My work email will now notify me every day and every night.  I'll be able to check Facebook 24/7.  Plus, there was the cost.  Ever since I got back from Haiti, I calculate every purchase in the number of days it would take the average Haitian to earn that money.

Needless to say, this wasn't an easy decision to make.  But our monthly bill hasn't changed, and I know that I'll be able to use my new powers for good.

Like my Bible app.  I'm really stinking excited about my Bible app.  And I also found a keep-track-of-what-you-eat app that kept me from raiding the candy drawer at church today.  That alone is worth getting work emails on a Saturday.

Now if only I could figure out how to make it do my dishes...

Argh

So about a week ago, I added all these sweet tabs (ok, I was excited about them, but there has been no confirmation of their actual sweetness), and now they are gone.  Poof.  Kaput.  Squooshed.  Squelshed.

I have no idea why they disappeared or how.

So I apologize for the de-awesomeifying of my blog, and I'll continue trying to re-awesome it.