My heart hurts today.
Not for myself. I have faith that sustains me, a squirmy little baby in my belly, a hardworking husband who is enjoying his one day of the week to sleep in, a warm home, a job I love, family who supports and loves us, and friends who can love me better than I love myself some days.
My heart hurts for others today. For uncontrollable circumstances, for court dates and foster care appointments, for the sinking sadness that grips some at the holidays. For those who have lost loved ones and are trying to get through, for those who don't have adequate food, safe shelter or love.
My heart hurts for those who have no idea that God came to earth just to know them and be known by them.
It is strange, surely, to be so surrounded by blessings and yet have such a heavy heart.
And so I look forward with the kind of hope that only a Christian can dare to have...not because of anything I am, but because I know that God wins. Oppression, sadness, injustice and hatred will cease. That day is coming, but not quite yet.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Firm Hope
There's something different about a Christian's funeral.
There's hope, laughter, the freedom to enjoy the person's life. There's a sense of 'this is as it should be' even when the loss is heartwrenching.
Mo was one of our pastors. Not ordained at our church, but a pastor nonetheless. He took time to really 'do church', which in our success-driven suburb was a breath of fresh air, sweeping through the dusty housing plans bringing the reminder of a life well-lived. He had been sick for a while and knew that this might be his time. He welcomed death with open arms, looking forward to being fully present with his Savior.
So many parts of this story scream 'wrong!' - he was only 53, leaving behind a young wife and doing beautiful ministry. And yet, he was content to greet death with a smile. His wife told me yesterday that he had been looking forward to this for years. Mo was a man who lived with a firm belief that this world was not his home. That firm belief gave him boldness to ask deep questions, good reason to meet with men early on Saturday morning for Bible study and a joy that surpassed the circumstances.
I drove home last night wondering about firm belief. I wondered what it would take to get folks out of their comfortable lives and into something itchy, something that demanded action and movement. I wondered if I am living out my firm hope in God's redeeming power. And I sat in awe at a God that would use beat up broken people to do His work in this world.
JB
There's hope, laughter, the freedom to enjoy the person's life. There's a sense of 'this is as it should be' even when the loss is heartwrenching.
Mo was one of our pastors. Not ordained at our church, but a pastor nonetheless. He took time to really 'do church', which in our success-driven suburb was a breath of fresh air, sweeping through the dusty housing plans bringing the reminder of a life well-lived. He had been sick for a while and knew that this might be his time. He welcomed death with open arms, looking forward to being fully present with his Savior.
So many parts of this story scream 'wrong!' - he was only 53, leaving behind a young wife and doing beautiful ministry. And yet, he was content to greet death with a smile. His wife told me yesterday that he had been looking forward to this for years. Mo was a man who lived with a firm belief that this world was not his home. That firm belief gave him boldness to ask deep questions, good reason to meet with men early on Saturday morning for Bible study and a joy that surpassed the circumstances.
I drove home last night wondering about firm belief. I wondered what it would take to get folks out of their comfortable lives and into something itchy, something that demanded action and movement. I wondered if I am living out my firm hope in God's redeeming power. And I sat in awe at a God that would use beat up broken people to do His work in this world.
JB
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Nothing Better
Do you ever have one of those moments you want to capture perfectly because you know that your remembering of it will pale in comparison to the actual event?
Last week, I had the honor of getting to be a part of one of those holy moments. Truth was shared, tears were cried, and fervent prayer had it's place. I couldn't believe, even as the conversation was happening, that God would let me participate in His work in this way. A teenager who just found out that his dad was moving to the area was looking for a place to learn about God. So I told him about our youth programs and encouraged him to come check out the church. Then he began to share his story. He'd never known what the cross meant, why people would believe in God or even be interested in Jesus. But God was working in him and Andrew, without knowing why, googled 'churches in Pittsburgh' and picked up the phone.
Why would God trust me to explain the cross to this teenager? Does He not know my track record for screwing things up? Perhaps I should re-submit my resume or schedule a review. I'm a verbal train wreck of tactless, blunt and oblivious with some onomatopoeia thrown in there for fun. This is why I work well with middle schoolers - they understand me when I talk in noises and they don't have much tact either.
Isn't it beautiful to be a part of "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." (1 Cor 1:27)? That's why God uses folks with my track record of word vomit to teach this broken world about Himself. The God of the Universe chooses the weak, the screwups, the word vomiters to be a part of His family and do His work.
So pray for Andrew, and know that God is in the business of using us in our imperfections.
Last week, I had the honor of getting to be a part of one of those holy moments. Truth was shared, tears were cried, and fervent prayer had it's place. I couldn't believe, even as the conversation was happening, that God would let me participate in His work in this way. A teenager who just found out that his dad was moving to the area was looking for a place to learn about God. So I told him about our youth programs and encouraged him to come check out the church. Then he began to share his story. He'd never known what the cross meant, why people would believe in God or even be interested in Jesus. But God was working in him and Andrew, without knowing why, googled 'churches in Pittsburgh' and picked up the phone.
Why would God trust me to explain the cross to this teenager? Does He not know my track record for screwing things up? Perhaps I should re-submit my resume or schedule a review. I'm a verbal train wreck of tactless, blunt and oblivious with some onomatopoeia thrown in there for fun. This is why I work well with middle schoolers - they understand me when I talk in noises and they don't have much tact either.
Isn't it beautiful to be a part of "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." (1 Cor 1:27)? That's why God uses folks with my track record of word vomit to teach this broken world about Himself. The God of the Universe chooses the weak, the screwups, the word vomiters to be a part of His family and do His work.
So pray for Andrew, and know that God is in the business of using us in our imperfections.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Lent, the remix
Lent is the tradition of taking the weeks leading up to Easter and intentionally focusing on our depravity and need for Jesus in preparation for the celebration of His death and resurrection.
Last year was my first time ever celebrating Lent. Until then, I joyfully claimed my freedom from such an archaic and restrictive tradition. But my husband grew up in the Catholic church and as such, Lent is an important expression of his faith. I joined with him and was delighted as the daily reminder of my "sacrifice" pushed me towards God and reminded me of just how much I need Him.
Ash Wednesday has come and gone and I have not yet decided what I'm to give up for Lent this year. I've been thinking about what God is trying to teach me lately and how I could give up something that would relate to it. I think one lesson that is continually being repeated in my life is that,try as I might, I am in control of very little. Not of my circumstances, my family, the people in my community, my students, or the future. I'm a planner. I'm a woman who puts expectations on people. I'm a list maker and I'm horrible at delegating.
I've been wracking my brain for something that could remind me everyday that it is God who holds the future, it is God's plan I need to be searching for and life happens in His time, not mine. But that, too, has been an exercise in control. I want to pick the thing I'm giving up.
So here's my plan: I will give up whatever you guys want. Leave a comment at the bottom, and I'll either do the first suggestion or the most suggested one. (I need to be on Facebook for work and I'm not really drinking a lot at all, so those wouldn't really be great for me, but pretty much anything else is fair game.) If there are a few, I'll let Hubs pick so that I can't weasel my way into control over this too.
So, what do you think I should give up?
Last year was my first time ever celebrating Lent. Until then, I joyfully claimed my freedom from such an archaic and restrictive tradition. But my husband grew up in the Catholic church and as such, Lent is an important expression of his faith. I joined with him and was delighted as the daily reminder of my "sacrifice" pushed me towards God and reminded me of just how much I need Him.
Ash Wednesday has come and gone and I have not yet decided what I'm to give up for Lent this year. I've been thinking about what God is trying to teach me lately and how I could give up something that would relate to it. I think one lesson that is continually being repeated in my life is that,try as I might, I am in control of very little. Not of my circumstances, my family, the people in my community, my students, or the future. I'm a planner. I'm a woman who puts expectations on people. I'm a list maker and I'm horrible at delegating.
I've been wracking my brain for something that could remind me everyday that it is God who holds the future, it is God's plan I need to be searching for and life happens in His time, not mine. But that, too, has been an exercise in control. I want to pick the thing I'm giving up.
So here's my plan: I will give up whatever you guys want. Leave a comment at the bottom, and I'll either do the first suggestion or the most suggested one. (I need to be on Facebook for work and I'm not really drinking a lot at all, so those wouldn't really be great for me, but pretty much anything else is fair game.) If there are a few, I'll let Hubs pick so that I can't weasel my way into control over this too.
So, what do you think I should give up?
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Dear Lord,
Let me remember today that You are bigger than my plans, my dreams and my hopes.
Let me remember that my worry will not change Your plans, and let me be thankful every day for that.
Let me remember that You are great, You are good, You are all I could ever need.
Let me remember that You give us good gifts, and that what You allow into our lives is but for a season and that we can learn and grow from it.
Let me remember that this world is temporary, and that my life should be dedicated to that which will outlast it.
Let me remember that You have already given us so much.
Let me remember that my vocation is my calling, and that You are using me even when there are so many hard stories in one day.
Let me remember that You work miracles, and that sometimes those miracles take way more time than I would like.
So basically, I need help remembering Your character, Your track record and Your care for Your creation. It's not that those things are easily forgotten, it's that I have so many other things crowding for my attention that Your quiet whisper of reassurance can get drowned out. But You are great, and You are good, so please whisper to my soul.
Let me remember that my worry will not change Your plans, and let me be thankful every day for that.
Let me remember that You are great, You are good, You are all I could ever need.
Let me remember that You give us good gifts, and that what You allow into our lives is but for a season and that we can learn and grow from it.
Let me remember that this world is temporary, and that my life should be dedicated to that which will outlast it.
Let me remember that You have already given us so much.
Let me remember that my vocation is my calling, and that You are using me even when there are so many hard stories in one day.
Let me remember that You work miracles, and that sometimes those miracles take way more time than I would like.
So basically, I need help remembering Your character, Your track record and Your care for Your creation. It's not that those things are easily forgotten, it's that I have so many other things crowding for my attention that Your quiet whisper of reassurance can get drowned out. But You are great, and You are good, so please whisper to my soul.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sharing Our Home
I love our new home. To be honest, I'm surprised that it feels like 'home' instead of 'a house' so quickly. We've settled into our rhythm, with the one minor exception that we still can't figure out a great 'who is going to get the mail when' system.
One of the things I've loved most about these past few weeks are those times when we've been able to have friends and family over. We had a housewarming party, and I laughed myself silly watching my nieces and nephews run around the circle of the first floor. Hubs had a bunch of guys from church over for Zombie Movie Monday to help eat the leftovers from said housewarming party. Sidenote: I hate zombie movies, but it's something that brings the guys together every other week and they love it, so we women normally hide at someone else's house to watch the Sing Off and stuff our faces with chocolate.
And now, we're moving into a new season of sharing our home. There's a guy at our church who needs a place to stay for a few weeks, and he'll be here on Friday. To be honest, I'm a little worried, mainly because I've never lived with any boy except my dad, brother and Hubs. But the thing is that I really believe that God does not just call us to be hospitable when it's convenient or easy for us. Mike needs a place to live. We have an extra bedroom. It's not easy, but that's what the church is in day to day life. Inconvenient. Messy. And full of unexpected blessings.
One of the things I've loved most about these past few weeks are those times when we've been able to have friends and family over. We had a housewarming party, and I laughed myself silly watching my nieces and nephews run around the circle of the first floor. Hubs had a bunch of guys from church over for Zombie Movie Monday to help eat the leftovers from said housewarming party. Sidenote: I hate zombie movies, but it's something that brings the guys together every other week and they love it, so we women normally hide at someone else's house to watch the Sing Off and stuff our faces with chocolate.
And now, we're moving into a new season of sharing our home. There's a guy at our church who needs a place to stay for a few weeks, and he'll be here on Friday. To be honest, I'm a little worried, mainly because I've never lived with any boy except my dad, brother and Hubs. But the thing is that I really believe that God does not just call us to be hospitable when it's convenient or easy for us. Mike needs a place to live. We have an extra bedroom. It's not easy, but that's what the church is in day to day life. Inconvenient. Messy. And full of unexpected blessings.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Beauty-filled Women
On Saturday, we had a Rite of Passage for the incoming 6th graders. It was simply a symbolic event to commemorate the passage from childhood to adulthood, and along the way we shared some things they would need to survive middle school. Things like, you need good friends who will go beyond surface conversations, boys don't need to tell you you're pretty for you to be beautiful and that most times the labels that others give you are wrong and the only label that matters has been given to you by God Himself, and that is the label of 'beloved child'.
As I was preparing for this event, I read through this passage:
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." ~ 1 Peter 3:3-4
And as I thought about the people in my life that exemplified this, I realized again what wonderful women God has given me to live life with. I have friends that turn to Jesus in their struggles, whose hearts break for what breaks His, who encourage each other with simple faith, who are striving to reflect God's character (and are doing a much better job at that than they realize), who make me laugh until I cry and snort all at the same time, who serve those around them with a selfless joy. I have learned so much about God through these women, and they have opened my eyes to the beauty in this world.
I am so blessed that God has allowed me to live in community with these women who are so filled with His beauty that I can't help but see Him in them.
As I was preparing for this event, I read through this passage:
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." ~ 1 Peter 3:3-4
And as I thought about the people in my life that exemplified this, I realized again what wonderful women God has given me to live life with. I have friends that turn to Jesus in their struggles, whose hearts break for what breaks His, who encourage each other with simple faith, who are striving to reflect God's character (and are doing a much better job at that than they realize), who make me laugh until I cry and snort all at the same time, who serve those around them with a selfless joy. I have learned so much about God through these women, and they have opened my eyes to the beauty in this world.
I am so blessed that God has allowed me to live in community with these women who are so filled with His beauty that I can't help but see Him in them.
Friday, August 26, 2011
No, really, I'm ok
So we didn't get the house. Yeah. Bummer. I may or may not have had a dream that night where I drove by the house and yelled at the people that were working on it that they weren't taking good enough care of the house. In that dream, the new owners also looked like Amish boys grown up to be hippies who were painting the doors bright magenta and teal, but that's another story.
I am still sad that we didn't get the house. I was looking through another blog, saw something really cute, planned out where in the house that idea would look great, and had to remind myself that it wasn't going to be our house anymore.
But honestly, I'm ok. Yes, I'm sad, but that's what happens when your dreams get a little wrinkled. It's not the end of the world. We still have an apartment to live in and enough money to put food on the table. We can still look for another house to dream about.
Just like anything else in life that I want but don't need, I will be just fine until the day comes that God gives us a house that we can call home. Also, I'm secretly really thankful that I don't have to pack and move just as we're starting a really busy season at the church. So I guess I've taken the next step in learning this lesson: I do not always know what is best in my life, but God does, so shut up and trust Him. :)
I am still sad that we didn't get the house. I was looking through another blog, saw something really cute, planned out where in the house that idea would look great, and had to remind myself that it wasn't going to be our house anymore.
But honestly, I'm ok. Yes, I'm sad, but that's what happens when your dreams get a little wrinkled. It's not the end of the world. We still have an apartment to live in and enough money to put food on the table. We can still look for another house to dream about.
Just like anything else in life that I want but don't need, I will be just fine until the day comes that God gives us a house that we can call home. Also, I'm secretly really thankful that I don't have to pack and move just as we're starting a really busy season at the church. So I guess I've taken the next step in learning this lesson: I do not always know what is best in my life, but God does, so shut up and trust Him. :)
Thursday, August 4, 2011
It is finished.
That's right, folks. My camp-induced retreat from all things social and communicative with the outside world is over. I'm free. Free of wearing the same t-shirt every day (for yes, a month). Free of a very strong urge to shake particularly obnoxious campers. Free of the very high level of stress that comes with being partially responsible for 400+ campers, 80ish high school leaders and I have no clue how many volunteers.
Now you may be thinking, "Wait, I thought you loved camp?", and my friend, you would be right. I love the fun, the my-parents-would-never-let-me-do-this fun. I love the hilarious stories (Your camper said what?!?!). I love the way that Jesus works in people's hearts when they're outside of their comfort zone and fully dependent upon His strength and grace, because they're completely out of their own. I love the community that builds from serving together. I love the opportunity to dance and skip and surprise someone with a water balloon.
What I've learned is that being around hundreds of people is really tiring for me. Guess that happens when you're an introvert. Weird, huh? A lot of people don't think I am an actual introvert. But a person's 'vertedness' (why yes, I did just make that up) often has nothing to do with their level of social skill. I know extroverts who can't pick up on a social cue to save their life. I hate it when people think I'm an extrovert just because I don't run away in fear from a big crowd and can speak on stage fairly easily. It has to do with where you get energy from. When I was at church, surrounded by and partially responsible for 500ish people, my tank got drained fairly quickly. I got cranky, tired, snappy and too task-focused. I'm glad of a bit of down time so I can act slightly more like Jesus.
Now you may be thinking, "Wait, I thought you loved camp?", and my friend, you would be right. I love the fun, the my-parents-would-never-let-me-do-this fun. I love the hilarious stories (Your camper said what?!?!). I love the way that Jesus works in people's hearts when they're outside of their comfort zone and fully dependent upon His strength and grace, because they're completely out of their own. I love the community that builds from serving together. I love the opportunity to dance and skip and surprise someone with a water balloon.
What I've learned is that being around hundreds of people is really tiring for me. Guess that happens when you're an introvert. Weird, huh? A lot of people don't think I am an actual introvert. But a person's 'vertedness' (why yes, I did just make that up) often has nothing to do with their level of social skill. I know extroverts who can't pick up on a social cue to save their life. I hate it when people think I'm an extrovert just because I don't run away in fear from a big crowd and can speak on stage fairly easily. It has to do with where you get energy from. When I was at church, surrounded by and partially responsible for 500ish people, my tank got drained fairly quickly. I got cranky, tired, snappy and too task-focused. I'm glad of a bit of down time so I can act slightly more like Jesus.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Worship
We had a worship night for the high school students last night, and it's still ringing in my ears. Images of bare feet with shoes scattered all over. Sounds of so many off-key voices wrought with emotion as they professed truth. The feel of sweaty arms wrapped around my shoulders as we swayed together. The feeling of joyful freedom as I was able to proclaim beautiful things about my God.
We had a time of prayer, centered on God being our refuge. I told the kids that when someone enters into a safe refuge, they leave behind the things of the war. So we prayed individually about what those things were that we needed to leave behind as we ran into the arms of our Refuge. Then, they wrote those things on a canvas (I'll get a picture at the office tomorrow - it is so beautiful for so many reasons) as a symbol of leaving them.
My word? Well, I had three. Because I could just never be that simple. "My own desires" is what I ended up writing. Sometimes I want the things that I want so much that I've not stopped to say "Your will be done, not mine". And it's not bad things that I am wanting, but sometimes we can be tempted away from the great by the good. And sometimes I don't desire good things. Sometimes, all I want is for people to notice me and tell me I'm pretty and think I'm awesome. Sometimes, I want a pair of new shoes more than I want for God to be telling His story in my life.
Ouch. That hurt to write.
But it's not going to change until I start recognizing where my heart is at. Too many times I have declared myself to be ok when I needed to run to God my Refuge. Too many times I have not thought I was self-sufficient and not in need of anyone's help, let alone the God of the universe. Shame on me.
I told the kids last night that worship is just as much about recognizing who we are as it is who God is. Because when we recognize who we are, what our hearts are like, then it makes the truth of who God is that much more beautiful. Because even in our cruddyness, He chooses us. He wants to enter into this life. He doesn't just say "Run to me", but He runs toward us.
"And I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe
Of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My heart Lord, to You surrendered
All I am is Yours"
~The Stand, by Hillsong United
We had a time of prayer, centered on God being our refuge. I told the kids that when someone enters into a safe refuge, they leave behind the things of the war. So we prayed individually about what those things were that we needed to leave behind as we ran into the arms of our Refuge. Then, they wrote those things on a canvas (I'll get a picture at the office tomorrow - it is so beautiful for so many reasons) as a symbol of leaving them.
My word? Well, I had three. Because I could just never be that simple. "My own desires" is what I ended up writing. Sometimes I want the things that I want so much that I've not stopped to say "Your will be done, not mine". And it's not bad things that I am wanting, but sometimes we can be tempted away from the great by the good. And sometimes I don't desire good things. Sometimes, all I want is for people to notice me and tell me I'm pretty and think I'm awesome. Sometimes, I want a pair of new shoes more than I want for God to be telling His story in my life.
Ouch. That hurt to write.
But it's not going to change until I start recognizing where my heart is at. Too many times I have declared myself to be ok when I needed to run to God my Refuge. Too many times I have not thought I was self-sufficient and not in need of anyone's help, let alone the God of the universe. Shame on me.
I told the kids last night that worship is just as much about recognizing who we are as it is who God is. Because when we recognize who we are, what our hearts are like, then it makes the truth of who God is that much more beautiful. Because even in our cruddyness, He chooses us. He wants to enter into this life. He doesn't just say "Run to me", but He runs toward us.
"And I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe
Of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My heart Lord, to You surrendered
All I am is Yours"
~The Stand, by Hillsong United
Monday, May 9, 2011
Good For My Soul
There are lots of things that are good for my soul, and I've gotten to experience a few of them this week.
1 - Making a little kid belly laugh. Most notably, my boss's 3 year old daughter. She has the best belly laugh. She also walks around with her back arched and her belly out most of the time, which is just so freaking adorable.
2 - Time with Hubs. This last week has been rough with being sick, trying to get caught up at church and trying to get over the reverse culture shock from coming back to America from Haiti. Oh yeah, and did I mention that Hubs has been doing contracting in the morning, teaching in the afternoon/evening and trying to finish up his Master's classes? Yesterday was such a gift. Because of Mother's Day, we had no student ministry stuff going on in the evening, and we got to come home after church and STAY HOME. Such a beautiful thing. Plus it was gorgeous outside. And Hubs made dinner, plus soup for tonight. We got to hang out, and hetaught tried to teach me how to chip golf balls. We got to play, eat a meal together, hang out and I even cut his hair. It was such a nice break.
3 - Having friends that live near me. Hubs talked me into going out to eat on Friday, and by the wonders of Facebook, we got to share that meal with 4 other couples. Had we tried to plan it, it never would have worked, but thank you spontaneity! It's just nice to have friends that live near us to be able to do stuff like that with. So many of my close friends live at least an hour or more away, and being able to meet up with them is a precious experience that we don't get enough of. But we now have other young adult couples that we can hang out with, and it's just nice knowing that there is a community here that we're a part of.
4 - A clean house. I love it when the laundry is caught up with, the floors are clean and the sink is empty of dishes. None of those things are true yet, but hopefully they will be later on today. My theory is that if I keep telling myself how lovely it will feel when it's done, then it'll be easier to get through the part where I actually have to clean.
5 - A sunny, beautiful day. It's finally warm and sunny outside, which is making #4 all that much more difficult to accomplish. But the sunshine is so nice, and we haven't really had much of it this spring, so I might go take advantage of the warmth first before I try to accomplish anything. :)
1 - Making a little kid belly laugh. Most notably, my boss's 3 year old daughter. She has the best belly laugh. She also walks around with her back arched and her belly out most of the time, which is just so freaking adorable.
2 - Time with Hubs. This last week has been rough with being sick, trying to get caught up at church and trying to get over the reverse culture shock from coming back to America from Haiti. Oh yeah, and did I mention that Hubs has been doing contracting in the morning, teaching in the afternoon/evening and trying to finish up his Master's classes? Yesterday was such a gift. Because of Mother's Day, we had no student ministry stuff going on in the evening, and we got to come home after church and STAY HOME. Such a beautiful thing. Plus it was gorgeous outside. And Hubs made dinner, plus soup for tonight. We got to hang out, and he
3 - Having friends that live near me. Hubs talked me into going out to eat on Friday, and by the wonders of Facebook, we got to share that meal with 4 other couples. Had we tried to plan it, it never would have worked, but thank you spontaneity! It's just nice to have friends that live near us to be able to do stuff like that with. So many of my close friends live at least an hour or more away, and being able to meet up with them is a precious experience that we don't get enough of. But we now have other young adult couples that we can hang out with, and it's just nice knowing that there is a community here that we're a part of.
4 - A clean house. I love it when the laundry is caught up with, the floors are clean and the sink is empty of dishes. None of those things are true yet, but hopefully they will be later on today. My theory is that if I keep telling myself how lovely it will feel when it's done, then it'll be easier to get through the part where I actually have to clean.
5 - A sunny, beautiful day. It's finally warm and sunny outside, which is making #4 all that much more difficult to accomplish. But the sunshine is so nice, and we haven't really had much of it this spring, so I might go take advantage of the warmth first before I try to accomplish anything. :)
Friday, April 15, 2011
Packing it Away!
That's right, I'm actually packing prior to the day I leave for a trip. Pretty amazing stuff if you ask me, or my mother, who has put up with her share of "but where is the travel-sized shampoo?" the night before we left on a trip.
There are pretty strict weight limits on what we can bring down, so I'm praying that our Wii Fit scale is fairly accurate. And as I pack my skirts and mountains of old t-shirts (which I apparently have unparalleled skill at accumulating...a 'how-to obtain way more t-shirts than you'll ever need' post to come in the future), I'm thinking about how little we actually need in this world. I had one student that's coming on the trip tell her mom that she needed to go buy new sports bras - 2 per day - for the trip. Her mom came to me with her final payment and admitted she took some money to reimburse herself for all the bras. Now, I get that we'll sweat through at least a bra a day if not two. But new? In all different colors? Not so much. But to be fair, this girl has never gone on a mission trip to a third-world country. She's never seen women who wear the same bra, day in and day out for years. She's never seen kids that don't wear pants because there are no pants to be had for them. But she will. Next week, she will encounter all that and so much more. And I will not fault her for bringing all those sports bras, because I have a feeling that the experience will change her, and most of the clothes she brings will not be making it back to the States. Because she'll realize that she doesn't need 16 sports bras. And that it'll be much more fulfilling to come home with half-empty bags than to spend that much money on sports bras.
So I'm asking you to pray. Pray for these students, that they will not be overcome by the poverty, the hunger, the trash in the streets or the hopelessness. Pray that they will see God at work. Pray that God will work in them, that they would reflect His love, grace and care to the folks we will have the privilege of sharing our lives with next week.
There are pretty strict weight limits on what we can bring down, so I'm praying that our Wii Fit scale is fairly accurate. And as I pack my skirts and mountains of old t-shirts (which I apparently have unparalleled skill at accumulating...a 'how-to obtain way more t-shirts than you'll ever need' post to come in the future), I'm thinking about how little we actually need in this world. I had one student that's coming on the trip tell her mom that she needed to go buy new sports bras - 2 per day - for the trip. Her mom came to me with her final payment and admitted she took some money to reimburse herself for all the bras. Now, I get that we'll sweat through at least a bra a day if not two. But new? In all different colors? Not so much. But to be fair, this girl has never gone on a mission trip to a third-world country. She's never seen women who wear the same bra, day in and day out for years. She's never seen kids that don't wear pants because there are no pants to be had for them. But she will. Next week, she will encounter all that and so much more. And I will not fault her for bringing all those sports bras, because I have a feeling that the experience will change her, and most of the clothes she brings will not be making it back to the States. Because she'll realize that she doesn't need 16 sports bras. And that it'll be much more fulfilling to come home with half-empty bags than to spend that much money on sports bras.
So I'm asking you to pray. Pray for these students, that they will not be overcome by the poverty, the hunger, the trash in the streets or the hopelessness. Pray that they will see God at work. Pray that God will work in them, that they would reflect His love, grace and care to the folks we will have the privilege of sharing our lives with next week.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Celebrating Grace
I took students to a work weekend at The Pittsburgh Project this weekend, and had a grand discussion on Lent with one of the staff (who just happens to attend our church and did student ministry back in the day).
She was enjoying some chai tea Sunday morning when I commented on how much I missed my morning coffee, especially since one of my kids gave me her sore throat (what a sweet gift, just what I've always wanted). She told me that she had actually gave up chai tea for Lent, and before I could call her a weak-willed heathen, she explained her theology.
We are not completely entrapped by sin. God has set us free, and it is that freedom and grace that is celebrated when you get to enjoy whatever it is you gave up on Sundays. You end up looking forward to Sundays, and appreciating the Sabbath even more. It's not 'cheating', as if you're on a diet and you're indulging when you shouldn't. It's merely a celebration that God has paid the price for our sin, and that is a free gift that we have not earned.
So, on Sunday, Hubs had a Dr Pepper with dinner, and this morning (because I didn't convince him of this reasoning until dinner, and I didn't want to be up all night), I got to enjoy a cup of coffee. Nay, I got to revel in a delicious, warm, sweet mug of awesomeness. Maybe you think that those words are too strong for a morning tradition that most people take for granted, but you try going without for a month and see how much you enjoy it. It was a great gift, that I have not earned. And as I enjoyed my coffee with a magazine, I was reminded of God's grace, which doesn't give up on us.
She was enjoying some chai tea Sunday morning when I commented on how much I missed my morning coffee, especially since one of my kids gave me her sore throat (what a sweet gift, just what I've always wanted). She told me that she had actually gave up chai tea for Lent, and before I could call her a weak-willed heathen, she explained her theology.
We are not completely entrapped by sin. God has set us free, and it is that freedom and grace that is celebrated when you get to enjoy whatever it is you gave up on Sundays. You end up looking forward to Sundays, and appreciating the Sabbath even more. It's not 'cheating', as if you're on a diet and you're indulging when you shouldn't. It's merely a celebration that God has paid the price for our sin, and that is a free gift that we have not earned.
So, on Sunday, Hubs had a Dr Pepper with dinner, and this morning (because I didn't convince him of this reasoning until dinner, and I didn't want to be up all night), I got to enjoy a cup of coffee. Nay, I got to revel in a delicious, warm, sweet mug of awesomeness. Maybe you think that those words are too strong for a morning tradition that most people take for granted, but you try going without for a month and see how much you enjoy it. It was a great gift, that I have not earned. And as I enjoyed my coffee with a magazine, I was reminded of God's grace, which doesn't give up on us.
Monday, March 21, 2011
A Holy Moment
When teenagers make me tired, cranky, annoyed and frustrated, God sometimes let's me see Him at work, and it is a great gift.
Last night was one of those nights. It was an evening where I was running late and several students needed a good solid bonking on the head (in my professional opinion). It was an evening where I was out of sorts and tired and had spent 3 solid days teenager-sitting, which involved 2 arguments about going to church, one late-night sleepover and 7 other kids coming over.
And into Club (our high school youth group time) walked Hannah. Hannah is not a girl that I connect well with, or have had many good experiences with. But she had asked me to write a recommendation for her to be a part of a fashion panel group at the mall, which I thought she would be good at, so she came to Club to pick up the letter. As we walked to my desk, we were talking and I found out that she actually liked being at Club that night. And she told me that the next series we were going to do sounded like something she needed to hear. And she thanked me for writing the letter because she didn't know who else would do something like that for her.
My heart was softened. Not by what Hannah was saying, but by what God showed me in those moments. He was showing me that even if sometimes she seems like a mean girl, or even if she is one, that she's still just a teenager who is desperately wanting someone to like her, to tell her she's ok in this world. He reminded me that she needs Him, and He would even use a cranky, frustrated youth leader who didn't even like this girl much to reach out to her.
I gave her a hug on the way out and told her she should come back again. Then it happened. One of our core students (who acts more like Jesus than I do most days), came up and gave Hannah a side hug and told her she was glad she came tonight. This other girl doesn't hang out with Hannah, or even have any classes with her that I know of. She just knew Hannah had come by herself and that she needed to feel welcomed.
It is in those holy moments that I am humbled and in awe of a God who works in this world despite us.
Last night was one of those nights. It was an evening where I was running late and several students needed a good solid bonking on the head (in my professional opinion). It was an evening where I was out of sorts and tired and had spent 3 solid days teenager-sitting, which involved 2 arguments about going to church, one late-night sleepover and 7 other kids coming over.
And into Club (our high school youth group time) walked Hannah. Hannah is not a girl that I connect well with, or have had many good experiences with. But she had asked me to write a recommendation for her to be a part of a fashion panel group at the mall, which I thought she would be good at, so she came to Club to pick up the letter. As we walked to my desk, we were talking and I found out that she actually liked being at Club that night. And she told me that the next series we were going to do sounded like something she needed to hear. And she thanked me for writing the letter because she didn't know who else would do something like that for her.
My heart was softened. Not by what Hannah was saying, but by what God showed me in those moments. He was showing me that even if sometimes she seems like a mean girl, or even if she is one, that she's still just a teenager who is desperately wanting someone to like her, to tell her she's ok in this world. He reminded me that she needs Him, and He would even use a cranky, frustrated youth leader who didn't even like this girl much to reach out to her.
I gave her a hug on the way out and told her she should come back again. Then it happened. One of our core students (who acts more like Jesus than I do most days), came up and gave Hannah a side hug and told her she was glad she came tonight. This other girl doesn't hang out with Hannah, or even have any classes with her that I know of. She just knew Hannah had come by herself and that she needed to feel welcomed.
It is in those holy moments that I am humbled and in awe of a God who works in this world despite us.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Addictions
I've recently come to admit some addictions in my life.
Caffiene. Since giving up coffee for Lent, I have had consistent reminders to pray, and those reminders have been my headaches. Yup, I'm chemically dependent on caffiene. And, I've got to say, I will most likely continue this, though perhaps in lesser amounts, after Easter. It's just so good!
Grey's Anatomy. The show is little more than a soap opera, but I can't stop. I'm on season 5 already. If that's not sad enough, I have been known to watch several 43-minute episodes in a row. Please feel free to mock me openly. I just can't stop!
Jackie's candy drawer. Jackie is our pastor's assistant, and she is the sweetest grandma around. She also has the sweetest desk, stocked with Sam's Club-sized bags of M&M's, mini Snickers, Twizzlers, and more. I've really been trying to stay away, really I have. But with the tiredness and headaches from the caffeine addiction, I've been making loyal trips to see Jackie.
I need to get addicted to healthy things, like reading my Bible, or exercising, or calling my mom. But I think I'll watch an episode of Grey's first.
Caffiene. Since giving up coffee for Lent, I have had consistent reminders to pray, and those reminders have been my headaches. Yup, I'm chemically dependent on caffiene. And, I've got to say, I will most likely continue this, though perhaps in lesser amounts, after Easter. It's just so good!
Grey's Anatomy. The show is little more than a soap opera, but I can't stop. I'm on season 5 already. If that's not sad enough, I have been known to watch several 43-minute episodes in a row. Please feel free to mock me openly. I just can't stop!
Jackie's candy drawer. Jackie is our pastor's assistant, and she is the sweetest grandma around. She also has the sweetest desk, stocked with Sam's Club-sized bags of M&M's, mini Snickers, Twizzlers, and more. I've really been trying to stay away, really I have. But with the tiredness and headaches from the caffeine addiction, I've been making loyal trips to see Jackie.
I need to get addicted to healthy things, like reading my Bible, or exercising, or calling my mom. But I think I'll watch an episode of Grey's first.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Dieting for Jesus
I'll admit, I'm new to the whole Lent thing. As in, this is my first day. Ever.
I mean, I didn't grow up in the church and then became a part of a series of churches who didn't really celebrate the Lenten season. So Lent to me was fish fry Friday and people dieting for Jesus. Seriously! I have known so many people who have given up either sweets, sugar, fatty foods or unhealthy food for Lent. And that is why before now, Lent has always gotten a bad rap in my book. I never understood the beauty of sacrifice that had gotten forgotten by my many dieting acquaintances.
I'm sad that this preparation for Easter has turned into a diet. That is such a shadow of what it was meant to be. Besides, Shamrock Shakes are out right now...talk about a waste! :)
So for the first time in my life, I'm celebrating Lent with Hubs. It was actually all his idea. And while I'm still not sure why fish doesn't count as meat, I'm pretty excited about it! I love the focus on prayer, on the daily reminders of Christ's sacrifice. I'm not loving the fact that I gave up coffee. Let's just say that my 9am meeting was less than exemplary. Also, I didn't know about the whole not getting to eat meat on Ash Wednesday (today) either, so I have a delicious piece of chicken pot pie that's been calling my name all day, while I try to ignore it.
And as beautiful as the idea of Lent is, I'm probably most thankful that it is something that Hubs and I get to do together to focus our hearts on Christ. Every opportunity that we have to share our faith is something I treasure.
I mean, I didn't grow up in the church and then became a part of a series of churches who didn't really celebrate the Lenten season. So Lent to me was fish fry Friday and people dieting for Jesus. Seriously! I have known so many people who have given up either sweets, sugar, fatty foods or unhealthy food for Lent. And that is why before now, Lent has always gotten a bad rap in my book. I never understood the beauty of sacrifice that had gotten forgotten by my many dieting acquaintances.
I'm sad that this preparation for Easter has turned into a diet. That is such a shadow of what it was meant to be. Besides, Shamrock Shakes are out right now...talk about a waste! :)
So for the first time in my life, I'm celebrating Lent with Hubs. It was actually all his idea. And while I'm still not sure why fish doesn't count as meat, I'm pretty excited about it! I love the focus on prayer, on the daily reminders of Christ's sacrifice. I'm not loving the fact that I gave up coffee. Let's just say that my 9am meeting was less than exemplary. Also, I didn't know about the whole not getting to eat meat on Ash Wednesday (today) either, so I have a delicious piece of chicken pot pie that's been calling my name all day, while I try to ignore it.
And as beautiful as the idea of Lent is, I'm probably most thankful that it is something that Hubs and I get to do together to focus our hearts on Christ. Every opportunity that we have to share our faith is something I treasure.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Disinfecting My Ears
No, this post has nothing to do with an ear infection. Think more along the lines of tackling mainstream music with some Clorox wipes.
I was suffering through the latest Lady Gaga song as I was navigating the highway today on my way to work and trying to listen to what the lyrics were really about. I work with students who have an underdeveloped sense of discernment about what to call "good music", so as much as she scares me I listen to the local top 40 radio station to figure out what the heck Gaga is all about. Here's what I got:
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah
I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
No matter gay, straight or bi
lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive
...Safe to say a little misguided, eh? Well sure, God doesn't make mistakes, but you have, Gaga. Seriously, the meat dress? And the egg? Yeah.
That song ended and they played a new one by Rihanna, called S&M. Which I was really hoping I had misheard, but unfortunately, it was about as gross as I thought it was going to be. If you're really curious, look up the lyrics. Sidenote: the video has been banned by YouTube for being offensive. Anyone surprised?
Since I'm the type of girl that nearly always has a song in my head, I feel the need to get this crap out of my short term memory. For one week, I'm changing my radio preset to KLove (even though their "everything is so happy and fluffy, let's pray for you to give us your money" DJ's aren't my cup of tea) and recharging my iTunes. No Gaga. No Rihanna. No Mikey & Big Bob in the morning. Just decent music that doesn't need to stoop to sexual extremes for ratings.
I was suffering through the latest Lady Gaga song as I was navigating the highway today on my way to work and trying to listen to what the lyrics were really about. I work with students who have an underdeveloped sense of discernment about what to call "good music", so as much as she scares me I listen to the local top 40 radio station to figure out what the heck Gaga is all about. Here's what I got:
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah
I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
No matter gay, straight or bi
lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive
...Safe to say a little misguided, eh? Well sure, God doesn't make mistakes, but you have, Gaga. Seriously, the meat dress? And the egg? Yeah.
That song ended and they played a new one by Rihanna, called S&M. Which I was really hoping I had misheard, but unfortunately, it was about as gross as I thought it was going to be. If you're really curious, look up the lyrics. Sidenote: the video has been banned by YouTube for being offensive. Anyone surprised?
Since I'm the type of girl that nearly always has a song in my head, I feel the need to get this crap out of my short term memory. For one week, I'm changing my radio preset to KLove (even though their "everything is so happy and fluffy, let's pray for you to give us your money" DJ's aren't my cup of tea) and recharging my iTunes. No Gaga. No Rihanna. No Mikey & Big Bob in the morning. Just decent music that doesn't need to stoop to sexual extremes for ratings.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Dear Life,
I'm just a little exhausted today, which is a total improvement over yesterday, when I was only functioning because of Aleve and caffiene.
So, life, please pardon me for not participating in you today. Excuse me from phone calls, trips to town, work and really anything requiring effort. I'm making dinner tonight, will that get me brownie points? Or maybe brownies? How about we make a deal? I'll workout if I can continue on my TV marathon and I'll make dinner if I don't have to do laundry. I'm just too tired. You took a lot out of me this past week and I need a little back. The world doesn't need to stop spinning for me, just give me a day off from participating in life in general.
I'm giving myself a time-out. No worrying, no producing, no connecting, no creating tiredness in any way. Maybe I'll join in again tomorrow.
So, life, please pardon me for not participating in you today. Excuse me from phone calls, trips to town, work and really anything requiring effort. I'm making dinner tonight, will that get me brownie points? Or maybe brownies? How about we make a deal? I'll workout if I can continue on my TV marathon and I'll make dinner if I don't have to do laundry. I'm just too tired. You took a lot out of me this past week and I need a little back. The world doesn't need to stop spinning for me, just give me a day off from participating in life in general.
I'm giving myself a time-out. No worrying, no producing, no connecting, no creating tiredness in any way. Maybe I'll join in again tomorrow.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Freedom
I stress out way too much.
I worry. I wake up early and run through a list of things happening that day and everything that could go wrong. I replay old conversations imagining how they could have gotten better. I am scared to death to fail, so I do everything within my power to avoid it. I lie, making even the smallest failures the fault of someone, of something else.
And the thing is, is that I know that's no way to live.
Christ has set me free from all this, and still I choose to be a slave to it. I know that no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to achieve perfection, but that Jesus is perfect for me. I need to daily try again to live in that instead in fear and worry. I need to daily accept God's grace. I also need to stop blogging when I have an excess of womanly hormones and time to myself, but that's besides the point. Life isn't always pretty, my heart isn't always happy and oddly enough, I feel like this is one of the few outlets I have for letting all that out. Mainly because about 5 people read this, and you all know and love me as I am.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. What slave, once freed went back to his master and willingly entered into bondage again?
I worry. I wake up early and run through a list of things happening that day and everything that could go wrong. I replay old conversations imagining how they could have gotten better. I am scared to death to fail, so I do everything within my power to avoid it. I lie, making even the smallest failures the fault of someone, of something else.
And the thing is, is that I know that's no way to live.
Christ has set me free from all this, and still I choose to be a slave to it. I know that no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to achieve perfection, but that Jesus is perfect for me. I need to daily try again to live in that instead in fear and worry. I need to daily accept God's grace. I also need to stop blogging when I have an excess of womanly hormones and time to myself, but that's besides the point. Life isn't always pretty, my heart isn't always happy and oddly enough, I feel like this is one of the few outlets I have for letting all that out. Mainly because about 5 people read this, and you all know and love me as I am.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. What slave, once freed went back to his master and willingly entered into bondage again?
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