Worship

We had a worship night for the high school students last night, and it's still ringing in my ears.  Images of bare feet with shoes scattered all over.  Sounds of so many off-key voices wrought with emotion as they professed truth.  The feel of sweaty arms wrapped around my shoulders as we swayed together.  The feeling of joyful freedom as I was able to proclaim beautiful things about my God.

We had a time of prayer, centered on God being our refuge.  I told the kids that when someone enters into a safe refuge, they leave behind the things of the war.  So we prayed individually about what those things were that we needed to leave behind as we ran into the arms of our Refuge.  Then, they wrote those things on a canvas (I'll get a picture at the office tomorrow - it is so beautiful for so many reasons) as a symbol of leaving them.

My word?  Well, I had three.  Because I could just never be that simple.  "My own desires" is what I ended up writing.  Sometimes I want the things that I want so much that I've not stopped to say "Your will be done, not mine".  And it's not bad things that I am wanting, but sometimes we can be tempted away from the great by the good.  And sometimes I don't desire good things.  Sometimes, all I want is for people to notice me and tell me I'm pretty and think I'm awesome.  Sometimes, I want a pair of new shoes more than I want for God to be telling His story in my life. 

Ouch.  That hurt to write. 

But it's not going to change until I start recognizing where my heart is at.  Too many times I have declared myself to be ok when I needed to run to God my Refuge.  Too many times I have not thought I was self-sufficient and not in need of anyone's help, let alone the God of the universe.  Shame on me. 

I told the kids last night that worship is just as much about recognizing who we are as it is who God is.  Because when we recognize who we are, what our hearts are like, then it makes the truth of who God is that much more beautiful.  Because even in our cruddyness, He chooses us.  He wants to enter into this life.  He doesn't just say "Run to me", but He runs toward us. 

"And I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe
Of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My heart Lord, to You surrendered
All I am is Yours"
~The Stand, by Hillsong United